Shhh...don't tell mommy!


Hey, it's me, Sam. Mommy is on the couch sleeping through the last of the Beverly Hills 90210 marathon. I snuck out of my crib to say a few things. Let me give you the 411 on me for a second. After all, this blog is about me, shouldn't I guest blog every now and then? First of all, if mommy catches me and sends me back to bed before I finish this, there are six finger puffs hidden under the padding in my high chair. I saved them.

Okay, so let me tell you about myself now. I'm 9 1/2 months and despite what people tell you, I'm NOT a baby. I'm a big boy. I like the Wiggles, Higglytown Heroes, my bedtime bunny, chewing on books, trying to pull up on the toilet (mommy doesn't let me do this), blowing grits on whoever is feeding me and talking to that incredibly good looking baby in the mirror. I am particularly proud of my voice. I use it whenever possible. I screech, I sing, I talk, sometimes I even grunt. These noises are only acceptable if made loudly and repeatedly. They are particularly popular in restaurants. When I play restaurants, they love me. In terms of food, there aren't many things I don't like. Applesauce is pretty much the only thing I refuse to eat. Mommy lets me have some finger foods, but quite franky, when it comes to Baby Mum Mums, Biter Biscuites and anything bigger than a nickel, she is tired of swabbing the back of my throat with her finger. So we stick to fruits, baby food, pasta and sometimes Nana sneaks me some of her jelly biscuit.

I have a lot of toys. They are my toys. I have them in a particular arrangement. Do not change my arrangement. These toys apparently all have different functions. To me they are all just various objects to chew on. When I get bored with these toys, I make a break for the blinds, the remote control and the bottle of body wash in the bathroom, among other things. These things are snatched away. I do not know why, but they must be pretty special. I will continue to go to these objects until I unlock their mystery. Now, that is mostly who I am...let's meet my peeps.

Mom - a.k.a. MAMAMAMAMAMA - This lady is great. Everytime I make a noise, she shows up. She has a big stash of food and formula and replenishes it every week. I can get past the silly faces and the constant picture taking because she is my meal ticket. I particularly like the lengths she goes to try to keep me from flipping over on the changing table mid diaper change...she thinks I'm distracted by the Aveeno lotion bottle. Sometimes, I just let her win.

Dad - a.k.a. HEY DADA - This guy is hilarious. Everything he does is funny. We crawl all over the house when mom is not home. We watch Top Gear and NASCAR and listen to cars screech their wheels. I'm not sure why we do this, I make better noises than that, but daddy likes it. Daddy also has this thing called a PlayStation. Daddy plays soldier and goes on "missions", but I think its fun to yank the cords and make the entire thing fall over. Daddy doesn't share my sense of fun on this activity.

Kitty and Nana - These are MY grandmothers. You do not need to speak to them, make goo goo eyes or give them sugar. They are mine. I have them well trained and I do not want you derailing my teachings. Nana calls me her "Big Boy" and to Kitty, I'm her "Precious". These names are not directed at you. Hands off the Grandmas.

Granddaddy and Papa - These two crazy guys keep promising me stuff. They want to teach me to hunt, take me to Chucky Cheese, teach me to play golf. All of these activities are fine, just make sure you bring the bottles and Roo. I do not like to be hungry or bored. At first, Grandaddy wanted to go by Mr. and Papa and I have a little disagreement going about the "purpose" of his laptop. Still, these are my grandpas and I am going to learn a lot from them.

Auntie Anna and Auntie Jen - These are my aunts. I think they are gorgeous and they are around solely to spoil me. Do not interfere with the Aunties.

Uncle Chris and Uncle Eric - Uncle Eric is teaching me to talk with my hands. When I get good enough, I'm gonna ask him to teach me how to build stuff with wood. My Uncle Chris is the coolest. I want to learn how to play soccer and he is going to teach me to be a soccer star like he is.

Cece - This is my cousin and the only acceptable babysitter. I don't need anyone else coming over, messing with my toys and getting in my business. Cece is my babysitter, go find someone else to sit for.

And that is the crew. You might think it's wonderful to have a staff of well trained people working around the clock to make me happy. It's harder than it looks. Somedays they have it down and somedays I wonder if I will EVER understand them. Ick...mommy is up. Gotta go!

Sam

1 comment

harmstrong said...

Dear Sam,

Funny, my mom was watching 90210 too. Small world. I think you are the coolest for contributing to your own blog. I like you better than most of my other friends I have never met.

Peace,
Shane