This Job Sure Ain't Glamorous

I used to think that motherhood would be the ultimate in fairy tale endings. I certainly NEVER thought I would sweat this much. I thought I'd have a baby, quit my job and spend my days wearing long patterned skirts, knit tops that never shrunk or faded, a jean jacket and frizz free hair sitting on a quilt in my manicured lawn that led up to my Pottery Barn decorated home sipping iced tea and looking for pictures in the clouds with my son. Or maybe I would be laying by the neighborhood pool in a two piece (which would mark the only time I owned a two piece) reading Danielle Steele and listening to my son splash in the water while my pot roast got perfectly succulent at home in the crock pot. Basically, I thought motherhood was a juice commercial. Oh and I pictured it as perpetually Autumn. Just thought I'd mention that.

I certainly never envisioned it as trying to take a shower at 1AM when Sam wakes up, comes into the bathroom and stands staring into the back of the shower screaming "get out" and trying to hand me my shirt, crying and shaking like he was just pulled out of the Atlantic after Titanic sunk. Nor did I picture me, trying to wash my hair, soap in my eyes, screaming back that he needed to go to bed and mommy wasn't drowning.

Alas, this was the scene Saturday night as I was racing around trying to get ready to go out of town for three days for work. Andy came home while this scene was playing out and it was grand to get to finish my shower with the entire family in the bathroom like it was some sort of Dr. Phil prescribed family time.

There I was trying to take the worlds fastest shower, my husband was comforting my traumatized son who was sobbing and muttering something about "Mama no shower," and I thought back to the times when I didn't have to craft a clever Ocean's 11 type scheme to score a few moments alone to groom.

Oh, the good old days.

Tonight, I tucked Sam into bed and we said our prayers:

Me: Now I lay me
Sam: Down to sleep
Me: I pray the Lord
Sam: My soul to keep
Me: Guide and watch me
Sam: Through the night
Me: Wake me with
Sam: the Morning light
Us: Amen
Me: Okay, good night.
Sam: (still praying) God bless Mama and Daddy, Nina and Papa, Tiggy and Pop
Me: Aww, how sweet
Sam: Help Nanny Coot to feel better
Me: He is going to be an evangelist...this kid can pray on his own.
Sam: And thank you for Aunt Nina
Me: Wonder if theres a box to check for genius prayer warriors on his chart. This is probably because he was formula fed.
Sam: Thank you for Samuel. Thank you for spaghetti and pizza.
Me:'s good to pray for things we love. God created everything.
Sam: God bless dinosaurs and bunny and dinosaur train and Scooby Doo
Me: He's being a bit of a Pharisee with this prayer.
Sam: Thank you for sky and birds and trains and cookies and sprinkles and mama's car. And Now I lay me down to sleep...
Me: Okay, he's looping back to the beginning...this is a Code Red, classic bedtime stall tactic. Good night Sam...God heard you the first time.

Sam's mommy

Facing My Fears

I am always impressed with all these children that sit contently in their strollers. My child NEVER used a stroller...EVER. I bought a nice Graco stroller on consignment. Well, okay, nice if you can get past the fact that someone's cat had peed on it. And can I get an Amen here that you can't get that smell out no matter how hard you try. Perhaps I could have spent more than $8 on it, but I didn't. I really did long to stroll places with my little boy while he laid back, enjoyed the ride and sipped his juice. He has never longed for this. He started walking a week before he turned 10 months. From that point on, he refused to be contained outside of the occasional shopping buggy.

Today we revisited the zoo. Two years ago, I attempted to take my newly walking 10 month old to the zoo. It was stressful, disasterous and way more money and trouble than it was worth. He refused to ride in his stroller, but he was not yet a good walker, but he was already a promising tantrum thrower. It was the type of day that gave you a migraine and made you go into a coma that evening. So bad were these memories, that after that when I saw any kind of signs, commercials or ads about the zoo, I immediately broke out into a sweat.

Today, I decided to get back on that horse, as they say. Sam and Mommy went to the zoo. It was 95% glorious and only 5% tired, opinionated toddler-ish. He was very interested in the animals, which is a breath of fresh air considering he's usually interested in doing the one thing, you could have done at home for no money (i.e. running, screaming and climbing on rocks). He loved the elephants and kangaroos and adored the petting zoo. We road the train which was the highlight of his day and although he loved the carousel, he was not interested in sitting on the backs of any of the animals. We were the ones sitting on the bench on the carousel talking about all the animals. It was a fun day. Of course, there were a few moments of differing opinions and we had to cut our day short with Uncle Chris and Aunt Jen who also happened to be there, but it was overall fun. I think I am reforming my zoo associations and the hives are down to a minimum.

I didn't get a lot of pictures today, and there is a reason for this. Some days, I take "moment capturing" burdens off of me and make sure I capture the experience and not just stress over pictures. So while I did pull my iphone out when I could, mostly, Sam and I walked hand in hand around the zoo enjoying our day.

Also, just so we can write this down on that dreaded chart...Sam is finally off the bottle! I was starting to feel like those women who brag about breastfeeding until their 5 year old self weens. (No offense...well, okay, there is no way that wasn't offensive so if you are nursing your 5 year old, perhaps this blog is not for you). Seriously, it was not as difficult as I thought, however, it did disrupt sleep for a few nights.

Now, I can also stop breaking out into a sweat at the pediatrician's office for fear they might find out about the deep dark bottle secret.

Other things are going on...too tired to go into them. I am over halfway through writing the book that I've always wanted to write. I'm very excited about it. It's a lot like my blog, only not really about motherhood...more about everything leading up to motherhood. So no chapters about how my birthplan was so short that I wrote it on a sticky note, but plenty of great stories from my childhood. It has been zapping a bit of my creative energy which is why the time between posts are getting longer and longer. I hope to tell you more about this soon!

Signing off,
Sam's mommy