...and suddenly he was 1!

I remember so many things from the last year and nine months. Finding out. Telling Andy. Telling the families. Going to McDonalds. First ultrasound. First nausea. Going to McDonalds. First kicks. Finding out it was a boy. Having a Chick-fil-A biscuit. Swelling. Back pain. Substantial kicks. Unbearably painful kicks. Trying to stand and walk without hobbling.

Then there was the day...the one that changed my life forever. About seven hours and a grande latte into the Saturday before my due date, my water broke...19 hours and some things I wish I didn't remember later...Samuel Andrew made his first appearance. We were overjoyed. We were ecstatic. We had no idea what those first few months were going to be like. We were fools. Someone once said to me that the first three months drag like they are never going to end...then at three months, life speeds up so fast that one minute you are nervously giving your baby his first spoonful of peaches with a bottle of Benadryl in your other hand and the next you are looking at your one year old wondering if whatever he's chewing on the other side of the room is big enough to choke him.

Honestly, my feelings about this year...right or wrong go something like this. For three months I felt like I had been given a job. I was to aid in the survival of a defenseless being. Make sure he was fed, clothed, bathed and changed. Take care of all the basic needs without second guessing my every move too much and all the while trying to decode the magical language of "baby". There was some connection...albeit mostly one-sided. If he was connecting with me early on, I assure you that I had a bottle in my hand.

Then it started to change. When it actually happened, I'm not sure. But I first noticed it when he reacted to something I was doing with a devious grin or an infectious giggle. I noticed it when he first put his arms up for me to lift him because he recognized that I meant safety. I noticed it when a stranger talked to him at the grocery store and he laid his head down on my shoulder. I noticed it the first time he reached up to hold my hand while he was walking. Those moments that made my heart swell to three times it's size made me realize that I no longer have just a responsibility. I have a son. I don't have a baby...I have a son. And my son knows that he has a mom.

Although Sam is not officially one until Tuesday, today we celebrated his life with the usual...balloons, family, friends, food, presents...and of course, cake. I had some issues with my camera this week and, silly me, thought I might miss out on capturing the moment so I rushed out to buy a disposable camera. I used the disposable camera to get pictures that are going to turn out to be identical to the ones that my mother, mother-in-law, sister, brother-in-law, father-in-law and friends got. Why did I think with a family full of people who adore this little boy that I might miss a picture of something?

Sam on Birthdays: He absolutely loved the attention. He loved having Ashley and Emma there. He loved the cake. He loved his matching dump trucks. He loved that he got to get naked and take a bath in the middle of the party. No good party is without a little nudity? Perhaps just of the baby persuasion.

At any rate, we had a wonderful day surrounded by the love of a generous and sweet family. One day, Samuel will get to an age where he's conscious of the blessing that is love. For I can assure you of one thing, that this little boy...my son...is truly loved.

Sam, I know that you will not remember your first birthday, but your family will always remember that sweet red-brown head, with those gorgeous blue eyes, licking icing and smiling for the camera.


Your dad and I are so proud and humbled to have you in our lives.
-Mom