Dear Mommy Diary,

Dear Mommy Diary,

In case I bump my head and get amnesia, please remember a few things for me.

Sam would rather play with your car keys than go to the zoo so tuck that $20 back in your wallet because the zoo is overrated for adults and you can see lions and tigers not come out of their dens some other time.

You bought the Butt Paste for diaper rash, you are using it as a distraction during diaper changes. You bought the tylenol for teething and fevers, again, it is really a distraction for diaper changes. The package of Ramen noodles were bought on a day at the grocery store when you felt like it was okay to eat like a college student again, it is now being used...well, need I repeat myself again?

It doesn't matter how many less bottles Sam is taking at this point, you still go through the exact same amount of formula somehow.

After eleven months, he still thinks he needs to scream his head off just so you are aware the bottle that you are making is for him.

Yes, to the outside observer, Johnny and the Sprites is a generally creepy show...but it buys you 20 extra minutes in the morning so pull out your best jazz hands and stop complaining.

He walks. That is all he wants to do.

Right now, everyone is a "dog". Stop trying to make him say Mama...he's not feeling it.

He gets the concept of the camera. The black thing gets pointed at him, there is a click and then he is blinded for a minute and a half. He gets it therefore he won't look at you. Stop trying to capture these moments by making idiotic noises that are mistaken for Native American war cries. Get on the floor and play cars with him...those are the real memories.

A walking child is called the "survival mode" of parenting, take every example of bad parenting that you observed while you were not a parent and give it a try...you might be pleasantly surprised.

Don't obsess over his first birthday...in fact...don't obsess over any birthdays that you can't remember for yourself.

Yes, he still hates putting on clothes.

Your friend,

Sam's mom

P.S. Sam had his first dose of Halloween by going to the Church for Harvest Celebration. I never bought him a costume. I'm kind of a last minute inspiration kind of girl. So at the last minute, Sam donned a White T-shirt of mine, some silver braided Christmas decor as a belt, carried a stuffed sheep and a slingshot I made out of a Paper plate and a hair band. He was...David! David as in David and Goliath or King David. Yeah...he wasn't feelin' it. Not one bit. Glad I didn't buy him a costume.