House Hunters Now...and Then

Dear 2011, your forefathers and mothers think you are ridiculous.

And here’s why.

House Hunters International

With a budget of $500,000 Brent and Ashley are 30-somethings who have decided to spend time off from their busy lives by kicking off the dust of San Antonio and planting down secondary roots in Turks and Caicos.

(I hate you, Brent and Ashley).

House #1 is four times their budget, but has the 360 Degree ocean views they wanted and used to be owned by Sylvester Stallone.

Ashley: So house #1 is a little more expensive than we were hoping, but you couldn’t ask for more character.  I’m a little disappointed that the 8 bedrooms are so small, but I do love the views.

House #2 has the desirable ocean location that the couple is looking for but there is a catch.  Can Brent and Ashley get past the strict community guidelines long enough to view the house’s potential?

Brent: So House #2 doesn’t allow me to set up a music studio for my island jam sessions, but I like the fact that it has crown molding and a lot of counter space in the kitchen.  I am a little worried about living so far away from civilization.  It’s kind of remote.  We’d be like 15 minutes from the airport…I’m not sure about that.

House #3 is a fraction of what they want to spend, but will the lack of granite counter tops and the construction going on next door be a deal breaker.

Ashley: House #3 is a steal…but I can’t vacation without granite.  Also, the ocean is so close to the house that there’s no place to put the pool.  How can we live in the islands without a pool? 

This decision is going to be tough.


House Hunters 1800-ish

Nathanial and Elizabeth have decided to kiss city life goodbye, quit their dangerous mill jobs, sell all their belongings and one of their children so they can head to the prairie for a new start.  This young family wants adventure in the great outdoors, fresh air, wide open spaces and the occasional adrenaline rush that comes with prairie fires, wedge tornadoes and of course the random hostile Indian tribe.

House #1 costs two more chickens than the couple wants to pay, but it’s a finished house and the previous owners will be leaving their cook stove and a set of wagon wheels. 

Nathaniel: House #1 is my favorite.  I would gladly give up a few extra chickens to not have to chop wood in the forest several miles away and lug it back to the prairie being that I only have one arm thanks to a recent accident in the mill back East.

House #2 is a steal of a good deal, but it would mean that Nathaniel and Elizabeth would have to start from scratch being that there is no house on the property at all.

Elizabeth:  As far as big mounds of dirt go…it’s a good one.  The location is great, but I would worry about the children being dismembered and eaten by coyotes and wolves since we’ll be living out side for the next 6 months. 

House #3 is free but will the recent Cholera outbreak nearby dash their dreams of owning their own little piece of “amber waves of grain”?

Elizabeth:  The recent outbreak and death toll does bother me a bit about house #3.  Also, we have to consider the prospect of dragging the previous owners out of their beds, burying them and then burning everything they owned lest we get Cholera.  I do like the fact that there is garden already here.  It will keep us from starving to death for a few weeks.  I don’t know the more properties we look at, the harder the decision is…this sure is a tough one.  House hunting is hard.

3 comments

anything but LoKEY said...

LOL! Hysterical. Funny thing is my husband absolutely LOVES House Hunters International. He likes to treat it like a game show. "NUMBER 1, NUMBER 1!!"

Love the changes you made too, btw!

Eileen said...

Too funny!

Anonymous said...

THIS IS HILARIOUS! YOU SHOULD WRITE MORE.