Hope it's Cool to Blog About This...

Here is my review of some children's toys...just in time for Christmas.

The "Super Hero Secret Hideout" Toy
This is the abode of some action figure. I'm pretty sure it's the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  I'm quite disturbed by the fact that it's practically twice the size of the child playing with it.  When I was young, yes I had Barbie's house...but Barbie's dream mansion was NEVER built to scale with an actual Barbie.  She couldn't fit in any of the rooms and forget about letting her relax on any of the furniture or in the bath...she didn't fit.  She barely squeezed herself into her elevator. #whydidBarbiehaveanelevator?  I, quite frankly, don't have room for such huge toys.  Mainly because as the ancient Chinese proverb wisely states, "The bigger the toy, the harder it is to throw it away in a year without your kids noticing."  The Ancient Chinese were wise indeed. 

The "New Twist on a Favorite to Squeeze a Few More Pennies out of Consumers" Toy
First I spent a week neglecting my family because I got highly addicted to flinging birds with different skill sets at structures housing green pigs laughing at me (why are there green pigs laughing at me?) Now, I have to actually build the structure, place the laughing green pigs, then knock them down with birds of assorted colors?  At least, I think this is what this game is asking me to do. Don't invent toys that create more work.  I am not a patient woman.  There is a reason you won't find a game of Jenga in my house.  This isn't Field of Dreams...I don't care who will come, I'm not gonna build it.

The "Creepy Doll Army You've Assembled and Trained" Handy Carrying Case
This is the creepiest container of unrealistic beauty I've ever seen.  I have no problem with Barbies...but don't buy this case, and if you do, don't face all the Barbie's looking out.  It looks like you are smuggling tiny perfect people.  And for the record, smuggling people is not cool.

 The "This Will Never Come Out of Your Carpet" Toy
WARNING!!! This is NOTHING like Play-Doh.  It's sooo much more irritating that Play-Doh.  It's even more maddening than knock off Play-Doh, Magic Dough.  This is really what you buy people that you hate.  Read my letter to the makers of Moon Dough here.

The "For Those Kids Who Dream of Dentistry" Toy
I love Play-doh.  Now having said that, what's fun about making teeth?  Let me answer that.  NOTHING is fun about making teeth.  Also, I get the white Play-Doh is for teeth.  I get that the silver is for fillings.  What exactly is the red container of Play-Doh for?   

The Toy That Says, "I Hate You So Very Much and Here's Proof."
This is amazing.  You can turn your child's bath into a colored slushy, then turn it back into water.  
I was wrong, THIS is what you buy people that you hate.  You can bet, that if some kid pushes my son around on the playground, they will be getting a box of Squishy Baff in assorted colors at their Monkey Joe's party faster than you can say...well Squishy Baff.  And what's with the weird spelling?  What's wrong with the word, bath?  Now you've made an annoying toy AND you can't spell.  Now I'm super annoyed.

Side Note: If I've invited you to my son's birthday party, please don't get nervous.  


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