Advanced Maternal Age Alternatives

Today, at my doctor's appointment, I sat down with a few of my doctors, midwives, nurses and a few people from accounting that I forced to stay late to try to help them improve the morale amongst their old and pregnant patients.  I know they really appreciated me taking the time out of my day to educate them, although they didn't verbalize it, they did keep looking at their watches in amazement at how the time flew while I shared some medicine-changing suggestions.

Mainly I threw out some alternatives to putting AMA - Advanced Maternal Age - so heartlessly at the top of a woman's chart.  It's so hurtful.  So cold to have those words stamped carelessly on your file when you've spent your entire preconception wondering if you even have eggs left that aren't covered in cobwebs.

I came up with ten suggestions and I expect to see some major policy changes (not to mention a new stamp being made) once they think it over and decide which one they like best (I could tell they really liked them all).

AMA Alternatives

1. Wise and Pregnant - obvy

2. Pregnant and Calcium Conscious - never too early to fight the signs of osteoporosis.  See also Pregnant and counting Fiber intake.

3. Master Ovulator - I mean by our age, we've ovulated way more than those other kids having kids these days. We deserve the title.

4. Pregnant with Lower Car Insurance Premiums - Age does have it's privileges

5. Pregnant with a Roth IRA - I didn't have one when I was pregnant the first go round.

6. Pregnant and Fighting - okay...fighting those fine lines and wrinkles...but fighting none the less

7. Pregnant and wondering if you'll even have the energy to take the kid to Disney one day. - oh sorry, that was that out loud?

8. Pregnant and Team Edward -what?  We might be old, but we are NOT blind.

9. Pregnant with Skymiles - No, I mean like enough Skymiles to cash in on something

and finally,

10. Executive Level Pregnant - I see an elite lounge at my OBGYN's office that anyone under 35 can't use.  They'll have a full time masseuse and buckets of pasteurized Feta Cheese.  I'm also thinking we will need club jackets.

So my OBGYN office thanked me profusely for the after hours "miss dinner and learn" as they jokingly dubbed it (they are such kidders) and gave me a referral to another office where I guess they want me to go present the idea to them.


Definitely #8 and #10!!! :)

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