I'm only mildly crafty. Got it Pinterest?

Pinterest projects that turn away only mildly crafty people.

When you take something that is 3 steps and make it 20.  Nutter butter ghosts need no more instruction than this. - Step One: Dip Nutter Butters in white chocolate and put in the refrigerator. Done. Don't make 8 steps out of going to the store and opening the packaging.  You are just insulting my intelligence.

Taking things that kids have no problem eating and making it “fun”. – There is no need to make hot dog art.  Ever.  Your kid probably has no problem eating a regular looking hot dog and if he does…all the better.

When any of the steps say “drill a hole” like it’s totally natural.  Here’s the natural sounding sentence:  “Now all you need to do is spread the cheese on the cracker”.  Here’s the not natural sounding sentence, “Now all you need to do is drill a hole in the wood”

Don’t act like that’s normal.  Like I have a drill and its components sitting next to my coffee maker.  The actual step should read something like this: “Now, you do have to drill a hole next so send your brother-in-law a quick text asking him to bring his drill over the next time you have a holiday meal at your house, when he texts back with some sort of follow up dimension-seeking drilling inquiry, tell him to come prepared for a variety of scenarios because you don’t understand his question.  Put the project aside in the hall closet.  In three years, when you are packing to move, dust it off and put it in a box so you can continue to not finish it in your new house.

Don’t tell me to get out my double boiler.  Just say, microwave.  Chances are that people who know how to use and own a double boiler will come to this alternative to the microwave on their own…you’re just making us all feel bad. (see also: “Now, pull out your pre-seasoned cast iron skillet").

When it shows a craft with 27 license plates making something.  Yes, I love it…but where do you think I should go find 27 licenses plates of varying shapes and colors?  Also can I use lefty safety scissors to then 'fashion' them into the shape of the state they represent? No? then forget it.  I'll wait for the Rooms to Go knock off and spend 8 years paying for it with no interest.

When the instructions start with “All I did was this” then tells me to go to 4 different stores for supplies. There are some weeks I don’t even make it to the grocery store once.  Also, for the last time, I DON’T KNOW WHERE A HOBBY LOBBY IS.  If its not found at Target, I’m not doing the craft.

I am never going to get something ‘specially cut’ at Home Depot.  Everything about that step intimidates me.  Home Depot. Specially Cut.  I don’t go to Home Depot unless I need a Christmas tree and they sell those in the parking lot.

When you ask me to ‘repurpose’ something I don’t even own.  No, I don’t have an old map lying around that I’m just itching to modge podge (whatever that is) onto all my extra wooden letters in the attic.  Nor am I wondering what do with all these extra mason jars.  Also, why do people just ‘have’ clothespins? I don’t even know where you buy clothespins if it’s not the year 1909.

So there you have it.  I wish I was this all-crafting do it yourself-er...but, alas, I'm just not that girl.

1 comment

anything but LoKEY said...

We are sooooo birds of a feather. hahaha I was cracking up reading this. You will see a post coming from me soon that pertains to this sort of thing. I am not crafty and I don't need pininterest (no matter how cool it is) to just be another tool that tells me what a lazy, pathetic and uncreative person I am. I feel bad enough for, like you mentioned, #1 having unfinished projects that are hidden for three years and never finished and #2 not even being able to get to the grocery store once a week so my kids can eat more than cereal.

Have I mentioned before that we should hang out?! ;)