The Mommy Monologues...I mean Soliloquies
I have always really been into drama. Surprising, I know.
The point is, when I was auditioning for things, they always required a prepared monologue or soliloquy. You might be wondering what the difference is (well, you probably don't care, but I don't really care that you don't care).
A monologue is a prepared speech said by one person to other people. A soliloquy is a prepared speech said by one person to NOBODY.
My life as a mom is one, never ending, never listened to, soliloquy.
Here are some of my Oscar winning moments...too bad no one was listening.
"Samuel! Samuel! SAMUEL!"
"Hey! Stop smearing my mascara all over the wall."
"Why did you just mash that gummy vitamin into my kneecap?"
"WE ARE NOT WATCHING DORA...ALL SHE DOES IS YELL AT PEOPLE."
"We don't use crayons on the microwave."
"No, you can't have a Kit Kat for breakfast."
"Stop pumping the soap over the ottoman."
"Don't you dare fling that Play-Doh at me!"
"What did you do with the remotes?"
"Get that (fill in the blank with anything disgusting) out of your mouth!"
"Have you ever heard of Ebay, Samuel? I could probably have you sold before I get caught."
"No, you can't wear the alligator shirt that you slept in to school."
"The toilet is not the same thing as the sink...wait, Is that my toothbrush?"
"Where did you get a lighter?"
I feel better knowing at least SOMEONE has heard me now.
Sam has started school for the year. Can you say, AMEN? I love my dear sweet boy SO SO MUCH, but the kid NEEDS school. He goes three half days to preschool and they teach him wonderful things about sharing and being patient and following directions. He must be a really good student, because he never comes home and practices any of these things which tells me, he's just a really fast learner and finishes all his work in class. I knew he was a genius.
They also give him some light reading to do.
Overall, I'm pretty excited about this school year.
Well, gotta get back in the kitchen with Chef Sam and see what trouble he's cooking up.