Hypothetically speaking, of course...

First of all, let's just start off by saying, my child doesn't have tantrums. Nope, I followed all the childrearing books to the "T" and we have absolutely no tantrums in my house.

But, hypothetically speaking, if he were to have tantrums, they might go like this. Now for the purposes of this hypothetical scenerio, we will call the hypothetical child in question...um...Samuel.

Hypothetical Samuel: (grabbing for anything and everything he's not supposed to have - contact lens solution, hair gel, mail, stuff out of the trash, full coffee cups - you get the picture)

Hypothetical Mommy: Samuel, NO. Don't you do that.

Hypothetical Samuel: (looks hypothetical mommy up and down as if to size up her power, turns and continues to reach for said off limits object).

Hypothetical Mommy: Samuel, Mommy said NO.

Hypothetical Samuel: (glances at hypothetical mommy as if to say..."bring it on" and continues to grab said object and run into hypothetical living room laughing...hypothetically).

Hypothetical Mommy: (sprinting after hypothetical Samuel into living room, grabbing said object from his hands)

Hypothetical Samuel: (crumbles into the floor in an onset of hypothetical hysterical crying and looks up every now and then to see if hypothetical mommy is really making the connection of how badly taking hypothetical object from hypothetical Samuel really really really hurt him deeply).

Hypothetical Mommy: (is trying to catch her breath from the one room sprint because, let's face it, she is hypothetically out of shape)

Hypothetical Samuel: (gets up and walks out of the room in a huff as if to say, "You'll be hearing from my lawyer.")

Hypothetical Baptist Mommy: (crosses herself)

One other tantrum style that gets used often, is what Andy and I have affectionately dubbed, the "bump and roll", a little like the "bend and snap" but not charming at all. The bump and roll is when our little precious one runs toward you to throw his tantrum, sinks his forhead into your legs, or the couch your sitting on, rolls around til he's facing away from you, with his head still touching, and then dramatically collapses to the floor. The bump and roll - guaranteed to get you at least ten minutes in baby jail!

Sorry we've been delinquent about posting. I have been working like crazy, Andy got a new job and we snuck out of town for a rainy cruise. It was glorious to take a week of from diaper changing!

More updates to come!
Sam's Mommy


Anonymous said…
My adorable little angel throws some enormous hypothetical tantrums too... and I now firmly believe that all those super nanny tricks, and parenting books ONLY work on perfect angles. My little darling would clock super nanny over the head with a parenting book and laugh at her while she cried. All I can figure is that God really does have a strange sense of humor!

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